Despite our best efforts I think having a little sister has been hard on Erin. At three she’s a child who is very used to being an “only” which is what she was always intended to be. Because of this and, in no small part, the issues surrounding her birth and infancy she’s been made a big deal of so, when we found out we were expecting we set into motion a plan to make the transition as painless as possible.
Explaining the birth
If I can toot my own horn, something we did really well was explaining the birth. At first we stuck to the basics because we weren’t sure how much Erin would need to know. What we told her was “Mama is going to go to the hospital and the doctor is going to help the baby come out of her tummy”, thinking this would be enough. It wasn’t.
She was very keen to know more and kept asking. So, as time passed, we told her more and more until she knew everything–how I’d get medicine so I wouldn’t feel it, how the doctor was going to cut my tummy, pull the baby out and then sew me up. We even found some very basic cesarean illustrations. Though she seemed quite content with this, she continued to ask how the baby was going to get out until she was born, perhaps she’s looking for inconsistencies, perhaps that’s just what three year olds do.
Quality one on one time
Fairly early in the piece we established a bath/bed time routine that would allow me to spend one on one time with her after the baby was born. It was nothing elaborate, I would just sit with her while she bathed and then dry and dress her before reading her a story or singing a bed time song. The reality was that, because of Abi’s colic, I’ve been unable to. Her baths have ended up being rushed and definitely not the quality time I’d foreseen.
Instead of this I’ve taken as many opportunities to play with her as possible (read: “possible” being when I’m not exhausted from dealing with Abi). It doesn’t have to be a huge affair, she’s very happy to play “soccer” with me while I peg out the washing–even if Abi’s in her carrier at the time, or if I sit with her while she plays with play dough or draws.
Managing expectations
One thing Erin was very excited about was having a new playmate. She was/is looking forward to teaching her sister how to splash in the bath, kick a ball and all manner of things. These are thing I’m excited about seeing too.
Unfortunately these are things which Abi will not be capable of for several months, so instead we spent a lot of time talking about the ways Erin would help me care for her. She could get nappies or choose an outfit, she might even be able to help bathe her sister. We didn’t want Erin to be disappointed when a newborn arrived in her home instead of a new friend and we wanted her to feel as included in the process as we could.
The reality is that nothing will save you from at least a few toddler tantrums courtesy of your new bundle of joy, but allowing your older child to be involved and giving them the opportunity to know and understand what’s going to happen may just help.
