This is a particularly hard post to write, not because of the content, but because it’s hard to maintain a focus with the side effects of Paroxetine, my new anti-depressant, still raging through my body and two children who need attention now and constantly.
Despite the side effects, some of which have been pretty nasty, things are looking up around here. Aside from the side effects, Paroxetine seems to be doing its job and I’m feeling much better. I still have my moments, I still need to sit in the toilet with the exhaust fan on just so I can’t hear the noise. Yesterday I holed up in Erin’s room with my head firmly buried in my pillow while Abi grumbled about not wanting to go to sleep. Sometimes, just the noise of every day life is too much for me.
My girls can be extremely full on–I’m sure that isn’t something exclusive to us–some days their needs are constant, these are the days I’m most likely to snap. Even so I’m coping better. I’m not loosing my head because Erin neeeeds a drink and I’m busy changing Abi’s nappy. I don’t find myself screaming and bursting into to tears because, even though it took me nearly half an hour to get Abi to sleep she only slept for forty minutes. It’s frustrating, incredibly so, but it doesn’t cause the world to come tumbling down. I’m learning to deal with her cat napping even though I hate it.
This isn’t the only reason I haven’t been blogging lately, but it’s the biggest. Trying to focus on writing while my head is so full and busy feels like going insane. Finding the words I want to use to get my thoughts down on paper has been nearly impossible so I’ve avoided it. I’ve avoided email and forums for the same reason. I don’t want to be known as the woman who constantly complains about her kids. I don’t want people to skip over my posts because they know it’ll just be more of the same. Maybe that’s paranoia, but maybe not.
But yes, things are getting better. Hopefully they’ll continue to. Hopefully I’ll be able to function properly and get on my with my life soon.
