I’ve lost my perspective lately. Things that probably aren’t so bad have been blown out of all proportion. The baby starts to cry and I do to, Erin neeeeds to help and I loose my temper. I’ve been convinced that there’s something wrong with Abi, something more than her reflux, now I wonder if the problem isn’t just me.
Inside my head it’s so busy, so loud that getting normal, everyday things done is difficult and often overwhelming. Add to that the extra things I do, like writing this blog and things can get…interesting. There’s simply not enough hours in the day to get everything done and I find that endlessly frustrating which contributes significantly to the tension in this house. Unfortunately, the harder I try to cope. The more I try to be positive and normal the harder it gets. It’s exhausting.
Yesterday I bit the bullet. I went to the doctor, even though I didn’t want to, things had gotten bad enough that I knew I couldn’t keep going by myself. I had thought that once Abi was better I’d be better too, but it wasn’t to be. She had gotten better but, still, every time she cries it grates on my very last, well worn nerve.
It could take up to 4 weeks for me to feel any benefits from the happy pills I’ve been given. In the mean time I could have a whole slew of side effects. Of course this assumes that the pills I’ve been given work for me. I hope it doesn’t take that long because, right now I’m just tired.
